broken

i will never be able to love somebody 

because 

every time i get into some type of relationship 

i seem to make it self destruct

so i'm not the one getting hurt 

but that's not true 

in my head  

i know the truth 

i'm hurting my self 

because i enjoy the pain 

because in my head 

all i think their thinking is 

" i have to get away from her "

i have to get away from her "

over and over again 

and they'll never come back

 when they get the chance to leave 

but who would come back 

i know i wouldn't

so i destroy all of my relationships 

so i'm never the toy 

the one that lays broken 

on the floor 

i refuse 

to look weak 

in front  of some one 

i once loved 

so i'll be the one who 

isn't the toy 

for once that's  what i'll be 

and i'll be happy for a short while but not 

forever . 

The Girl Who Became Weak

i'm in a battle 

but with no one else 

i'm battling my self .

it's a scary battle 

because 

which ever wins 

decides my health 

decides my life 

and decides my self worth 

i really don't have that.

i rooting for side 

i'll let you guess which  one it is 

it's killers side 

I wanted to freed from this horrid world

then i can be the one on get's the last word 

the one to last laugh 

nor those demons  who live 

upon my head 

let them rot 

in the depths of  hell 

nor shall none of them speak 

of  The Girl Who Became Weak 

^retro 

self destruct

we all have that button

that we all like to push

no matter how small nor tall

we all do

no matter how

you could be

young , old , middle age

and you still have one

we all have that self destruct button

that we all use

and most are afraid  of that button

me on the other hand

i'm not scared

I love the button i have another escape

anther choice

don't know why i would want want anther one of those

it's just  like the other

and now another question

that goes through my head


should I pull the trigger

should I  fall into eternal slumber

should I tie that rope

should I take that slice

or

should i just push that button.

for some reason when ever i push that button

a smile just appears on my face

and for first time ever since I first pushed that button i'm happy



  

i'm not ALRIGHT

I try not to get  attached

because when i do  people always 

hurt me 

make me fear the  living 

there something about this world

that makes me hate my self more 

and pull  me down to where sink 

and fall into  eternal sleep

to where i shall wake 

and  where i shall not sleep 

and i can lie 

say i'm alright 

but i want you to notice

my red puffy eyes 

and the saddens they hold .

i want you to hug me and tell "i know your not alright "

but that day will never come 

because it would hurt you to much to notice that i'm hurt 

all want is for  you to   be happy 

and if have to lie......

i'll be alrigh-

NO NO NO !

I'M NOT ALRIGHT 

I NEED YOUR HELP AND YOU IGNORE MY SIGHS !

i'm sorry for my out burst 

i'm just a disappointment 

don't take it heart 

i just want someone else 

to feel what I feel 

and then be like me 

so when we take our eternal slumber

we can stay  together 

in the clouds 

or in hell 

we can  still be together 

play together  

and never ever  be alone 

      

i'm sinking

i'm swimming

but mostly i'm sinking  

but not really 

i'm  in middle  

of the shallow 

and deep end 

and  sea weed is pulling at my arms 

and the sea weed from the depths of hell 

the   arms reach out pulling me down 

but the arms above are pulling  me up

it's like a video  game 

I always respawned

and my life becomes useless 

but one day one side will win and i'll be set free 

from this wretched  world 

>retro 

we stopped

We stopped looking under

our bed for monsters

when  we realized

they 

were 

inside 

of 

us 

eternal slumber

i remember

when I was 5

i had dreams of living in the city  

of night when i can't

and hear all the ruckus

that will make  me drift off into a deep slumber

or the  dream of when I would sit on a beach

as  I watch the shore

and I take a sip

to set me in

eternal slumber.

those are the dreams i had when i was 5

my head is a dark place

you wouldn't want

to stay

nor do I

but i have to stay

till I finally can go

into

eternal

slumber